I want to touch on some things that are helpful to brides and me in the addressing process. A couple of these things I just learned this year–proof you’re never too old to learn!
First and very important, ALWAYS, always order 20-25% additional envelopes when you place your invitation order. Your invitation company will usually send you a few extras, but your calligrapher will need extras. We are not perfect, but we try! The extras help with additional addresses, corrections on your part, and errors we make. Better to have them on hand before you start than having to stop the order and wait for them.
RSVP postage–extremely important that you don’t forget to put the stamps on them, and I have had brides forget them. If you have international guests, however, they need to provide their own rsvp postage on their response card or envelope. Their post office gets credit for it and they can provide the correct amount.
Wax seals–lovely on your envelope. A time-consuming special touch. Wax Seals (www.waxseals.com) are a vendor of “peel and seal” wax seals that come in a wide variety of colors, emblems, and lettering styles that take MUCH less time and effort to affix to your envelope and look just as lovely as the drip-wax ones. You will be charged additional at the post office to mail them as they add a tiny bit of weight and don’t always fit through their cardboard sizer.
Magnet save-the-dates. I learned something interesting this week. Met with a bride to give her her envelopes and she told me about the mailing fiasco with her magnet save-the-dates. The first 25 went through just fine. She went back to mail the remaining 200 and a good number of them came back. You need to remember that if you mail them all at once, they may stick together when going through the canceling machine and increasing the weight and being returned to you because of insufficient postage. Break them down in batches of 10 at a time and mail them through different post offices or different drop boxes. Some companies do offer a sheet to cover up the magnetic side so they don’t stick together, so be sure to keep this in mind when ordering them.
Assembling your guest list is probably the most time-intensive job of your whole wedding. Depending on the size of your guest list, it can be a herculean task. Here are a few items to remember:
If you have questions about how someone wants their envelopes addressed, call them! I advise brides to do this all the time and honestly,the guest appreciates you taking the time to find out how they prefer to be addressed.
If a woman has kept her maiden name but is married, you do not address the envelope as Mr. Tom Jones and Mrs. Sadie Thompson. It’s Mr. Tom Jones and Ms. Sadie Thompson.
A widow is always addressed using her husband’s first name, i.e. Mrs. Paul Smith.
Doctors are always addressed as Dr. and Mrs. Scott Johnson. Lawyers are never addressed as Mr. and Mrs. Scott Johnson, Esquire, although I did have a couple with a fabulous sense of humor that honored their hard-studying guest as Mr. Evan Jones, Almost Esquire. I am not above playing along with a sense of humor, but as a general rule the attorney aspect of a person’s life is not mentioned. If the wife is the doctor, then it’s Dr. Sarah London and Mr. Samual London.
A man and woman dating but not living together are listed female first on one line, her boyfriend second. Living together, they go one one line.
Military personnel are always addressed by their military rank, such as Lieutenant and Mrs. Scott Johnson. If retired, it’s Colonel (Retired) and Mrs. Charles Emerson Winchester.
If a young lady is under 18, address her envelope as Miss Lena Horne. If she’s over 18, it’s Ms. Lena Horne.
Boys under the age of 12 are Master, boys over 12 are Mr.
Over the years, I have addressed envelopes to Ooma and Oompa (Grandma and Grandpa), Granny and Gramps, and Her Highness, and Mr. Moneybags (the bride’s father!). A bride asked me to identify one of her guests who oved heavy metal as Mr. Greg “Metal” Baker. I frequently tell brides, these are GUIDELINES, not etched in granite. If you want a special address for your guest, by all means, have a sense of humor and do it and don’t be afraid to ask!
Mailing out your invitations goes by the 6-8 week rule of thumb. If you have international guests making up the bulk of your guest list then allow an extra week, but you don’t want to go more than that. If you have sent out save-the-dates, then 6-8 weeks is just fine. You don’t want to allow more than three weeks between mailing the invitations out and your rsvp date. People aren’t going to have the same sense or urgency about your rsvp that you are and things do end up “to do” piles. Three weeks is good and then be prepared to have to call people or e-mail them to remind them or ask what their intentions are.
And finally, do not wait until a week or less before your 8 week mailing date to contact a calligrapher. Do this two months in advance if you can. Even a month in advance. It’s preferable to being contacted by a bride that put it off till the last minute and then trying to explain to them that you are full and can’t accommodate them.
If you want to have a free set of terrific etiquette guidelines e-mailed to you, please let me know and I’ll be happy to provide them.
